How (NOT) to be a Good Program Participant
Be late to your program item (and plan to leave early.) Don’t let anyone know this is going to happen. While you’re at it, add someone else to the panel.
Complain about being put on the program item. (Or the convention in general!) Work on insulting the convention committee, your co-panelists, and the audience.
Ignore the moderator, and do remember to monopolize the conversation! Steer it towards your personal agenda, even if it has nothing to do with the panel. Tip: start off most discussion with “well, in MY book….” Remember, whoever talks the most wins.
Disagree on what you’re going to talk about! In fact, disagree with everything your co-panelists say. Do this as rudely as possible. Additionally, if you are discussing something controversial, don’t bother to back up your arguments and assertions with facts…no one does this anymore, anyway.
Stand your book(s) up in front of you like a wall between you and the audience. This will help ensure your eyes aren’t facing the audience or a co-panelist. Do remember to check your texts and emails regularly during the program item (Hey – if you can do this in your car, it should be easy to manage here.)
Don’t miss the chance to multitask. Your panel is the perfect time to schedule home improvement projects. Enjoy breakfast/lunch/dinner and get three things done at once!
This is a party! Keep strictly to mood lighting. More children and pets the better. People love them!
Speak very softly, or very loudly. Don’t bother paying attention to the location of your microphone. Learn how to drone!
Whenever you want, call on people in the audience for questions. You can certainly do this better than can the moderator.
In conclusion: Following these rules, people will definitely remember you. (Isn’t that nice?)